Wednesday, January 07, 2015

From burnout to... beginning to get better (pt. 3)

This is the third post in my series on pastoral burnout. You can find parts #1 and #2 by clicking the respective links (or scrolling down). Initially I was going to call this 'How I Survived Pastoral Burnout'... and that may still be an apt title. However, I would like to hold off making that call for awhile yet. You know, just in case. This is how I started to get 'better' though.

Having been a pastor in the same small, rural, "family" church for 14 years, I believe I started down the road to burnout around year 5 or 6 (this is detailed in pt. 1). I have to wonder how much a sabbatical would have helped at year 7. Unfortunately, I didn't get one until year 14... and then when I finally got one, the church council asked me to resign while I was still on sabbatical. So this is a brief description of how I survived not only the burnout, but also the uncalled for dismissal.

MEDICATION -
First and foremost I would suggest anyone suffering from pastoral burnout should be in counseling. It should go without saying, but probably needs to be said in most cases. It was when I finally started seeing a professional counselor (as opposed to pastor friends) that I was fully convinced of the need to take a sabbatical. He also put me on antidepressants. For years I fought to stay off them by exercising more, praying more, and any number of others things, but I needed help. Sure, there will be those who accuse you of being "crazy," or "mentally unstable," but they probably already have a low opinion of you anyway. However, medication for your symptoms of burnout probably isn't enough still.

MEDITATION -
Even if the meds help, you can't depend on them to solve your problems. My counselor suggested not only antidepressants, but he also prescribed meditation three times daily. As a Christian, and since I was seeing a Christian counselor, he prescribed "Christian" meditation. The difference is that, while general meditation is more of a 'clearing' your mind, "Christian" meditation is a 'filling' of your mind - filling it with truths of Scripture and attempting to create more God-centered thoughts, ideas and emotions. My counselor offers a 30-minute meditation audio for free on his website. To this day I still practice a variety of forms of Christian meditation on a regular basis (there are apps for that too!). It helps me focus, as well as fill my mind with "whatever is true... noble... right... pure... lovely... and admirable" (Phil. 4:8). Recovering from burnout requires someone better than ourselves to speak into our lives.

MODIFICATION -
It's one thing to finally come to grips with your pastoral burnout, but ultimately you are going to have to make some modifications to your life in order to survive long-term. My survival required modification of my activities, expectations, and occupation.
  • Activities - As I shared previously, I was already doing a number of things that were supposed to help. I was an avid runner, I was in accountability groups, I prayed, studied, read a ton... but they were all things 'I' was doing. So how did I modify my activities? I quit doing those things, and actually started drinking more, I started smoking (after having quit for 25 years), and generally living a little reckless. While I do not recommend it, it happened, and I think it helped (me). If I was going to survive, it would have to be at the hands of God, not something I could control myself. I needed to bottom out; and I did.
  • Expectations - This was/is perhaps the most difficult modification for me. I had to learn to live with little-to-no expectations... for anyone. That included myself. A common phrase my wife used to utter when she managed a pizza place was, "It's only pizza." That's how she dealt with a teenage workforce and a mostly-idiot customer base. When something would happen, she would just say to herself, "It's only pizza." I have been saying that a lot, about a lot of things! Life is long, and most things aren't that important. Friends will fail you, most people don't care, we're all a mess, and so it goes. The same goes for me. I seriously disappointed some people, and the world didn't end. We have to get over it. It also helped to change my...
  • Occupation - This may not be necessary for everyone, but it became necessary for me. However, it wasn't the burnout that made it necessary... it was the treatment I/we received following the dismissal. I needed to re-learn that I did have some value and am able to make a contribution to the world again. Regardless of all that, and whether I ever return to pastoral ministry or not, the change has been good and I believe I am (or will be) a better person for it. 
So, again, I don't know that I can suggest this as a path for others who may be suffering from pastoral burnout, but this is what worked for me: medication, meditation, and modification of activities, expectations, and my occupation. I have no interest in returning to pastoral ministry at this time - I don't know that I ever will - but I survived this experience with my faith intact when I wasn't sure I would. You can too.

Next I will share some further findings in my continuing story of survival.